Buttcrack Culture

AIM is for Squares v.1

Sat, 31 Jan 2009 11:11:23 -0500

Boring away message of the day:

“hot bath”

To set up the joke…

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 11:24:33 -0400

To set up the joke…

Jager[sic] Bombs

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 11:23:38 -0400

Jager[sic] Bombs

Craigslist Missed Connection

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 11:23:00 -0400

ryan the decorator: Looking for two girls to come over for some bj action for a friend and me. Do not expect anything in return, because it ain't happening. We just got some new fuckin' haircuts, and are in the zone. If your down, hit me up with a message. Your pics for ours. Please, for the love of God, no fatties. If we don't here from you soon, I'll be in the club grinding on every piece of pussy that walks in that place. Fuckin jaeger bombs.
Me: POWER BARS! Haha - funny post.
ryan the decorator: My post wasn't a fucking joke. I'm fucking wasted. You should have got on the phone earlier, fucking skank.

Craigslist Missed Connection

Fri, 04 Apr 2008 11:21:00 -0400

Chaely: To the 2 guys pushing a rather large television up Main Street on a small rolling desk chair, I was impressed by the determination. I hope you made it.
2 Guys: well we made it...that was hard work! We would like to know if you would like to consider a "three some" 2 nite because after all, rest deserves play!!!
Chaely: I'm gonna have to pass, but thanks for the offer. Sincerely, 90 year old bridge troll

No explanation necessary - old, redneck, drunk lady...

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 01:35:45 -0500

No explanation necessary - old, redneck, drunk lady moovin’ to the sweet sounds of Michigan Center’s finest. We only assume it was her significant other grinding on her, but at that place, it could have been anyone. Hot.

"I should have never taken a class where I only understood one word in the title."

Tue, 08 Jan 2008 12:38:00 -0500

“I should have never taken a class where I only understood one word in the title.”

- college girl at hipster coffee shop; featured on overheardlines.com

"All girlfriends do is take all of your money. I dated one girl for a year, she took all of my..."

Sat, 05 Jan 2008 22:27:48 -0500

“All girlfriends do is take all of your money. I dated one girl for a year, she took all of my money, and she never even kissed me.”

- Oh really?

"I wouldn’t mind being hooked up. I want a girl who is somewhat smart… has some things..."

Sat, 05 Jan 2008 22:27:02 -0500

“I wouldn’t mind being hooked up. I want a girl who is somewhat smart… has some things in common with me… and is at least 100 lbs smaller than my ex.”

- boy at coffee shop

"We’re getting married. Then she’ll be like “I want dick now, bye."

Sat, 05 Jan 2008 22:11:00 -0500

“We’re getting married. Then she’ll be like “I want dick now, bye.””

- girl at coffee shop talking about marrying a female friend.

Alternate Universe

Sat, 05 Jan 2008 22:08:00 -0500

Sara: OMG i guess this is where you go when you cant drink
me: dude it's a baby explosion
Sara: is this some kind of meeting behind us?
me: maybe they're fixin to play D&D
Sara: xxx?
me: swingers?
Sara: straight edge.
me: omg maybe
Sara: i need to stop staring
me: yeah I need to quit looking over at the people on the couch. I can totally hear them without looking.
Sara: i hate people who talk
me: do you think they hang out with him because he's different and they think it makes them cool to hang out with the "weird guy"?
Sara: that's a big idk... i hate people who talk like this. the way too heady shit
me: the ones who base their political views on high school government classes and popular comedians - those are the ones who make me gag
Sara: yes gag
me: seriously how do you go from politics to Buffy in one step? that's something only an 18 year old would do... COULD do
Sara: sooo scary - i'm glad i was quiet. didnt say the dumb shit that went through my head in high school.
Sara: O M G
me: omg the homeboy bringing up the rear is missing like all of the front toofs
Sara: i love how all of those boys have an ex-girlfriend
me: yeah I bet if you asked the girls they'd be like "omg ew he's the creepy guy who sits behind me in Biology!"
Sara: ICP TEESHIRT!!!!!
me: omg for real?
Sara: yes
me: I don't want to look but I need to seeeeeee
Sara: we need to be more inconspicous
me: turn the webcam around! tape this shit!!!
me: I dunno if anyone else will think this shit is incredible
Sara: "my favorite file on my computer" he just said that
me: ANIME? REALLY!!!
Sara: THE FILE IS SO COMPLEX!!!!
me: I'm sure he has them ranked in order of how nerdy it is... "nerd halfie" "nerd boner" "MASSIVE NERDRECTION"
Sara: dude. this kid can switch topics faster than...insert amazing chaely andictote
me: faster than a grocery bagger on speed
Sara: chipmunk on sterioids
me: it's like everything ridiculous about high school losers all crammed into one conversation
Sara: and one person. this is worse than a FULL DAY of watching tila tequila marathon
me: this shit is killing my brain. I imagine this is what doing shrooms in public feels like.
Sara: wait. he just answered his phone. "good morning, how can i serve you?"
me: what!??!?!?! omg dude who just walked in with the guitar has a ponytail and a flame shirt... this is like some sort of bizarre movie
Sara: oh god. why does he have to recap the video they're watching... THEY JUST FUCKING SHOWED IT why???? why?????????? WHY????? my brain... hurts... so much... look at my face... wtf... who is this?

Not the actual victims, but you get the idea…

Sat, 05 Jan 2008 22:08:00 -0500

Not the actual victims, but you get the idea…

I don't know what's worse

Sat, 05 Jan 2008 22:08:00 -0500

The fact that SaraLiz and I are sitting at a coffee shop full of weirdos (thus making us weirdos as well?) or the fact that we’re so distracted by them that we’re gchatting across the table about them & then blogging about it…

Or maybe it’s the fact that my only regret is not having brought a 3rd person to document our reactions in a series of photos.